swallow my anger and implode my heart

i often wish that i had the power of superman, or songoku of dragonball, or wolverine is cool too. but not when i'm angry. geezzz... i surely dont hope that i have such superhuman strength and ability. cos then there would be mountain blown up, building destroyed, island crushed, sea storm, and all. in my present state... well.. at most i sprained my fingers from hitting the door or wall. ohh.. there's a twisted spoon. next time i should remember to remove the ring first because i could dent it or maybe lose the diamond.
i always able to restrain myself from breaking things. damn... i lost control and threw my cell. worse.. i did that in front of my co workers. damn.. damn... damn....
why am i angry? ahahhahahahha because i just to hold my anger. because i cant and should not let it out. because i know then i will only say useless things. those useless things that will only hurt more and more. thus i prefer to twist a spoon, punch a door or wall, sprain my fingers, implode my heart.....

damn... my index finger hurts...

OVERKILL

Song lyrics | Overkill lyrics

Muhammad Valiant Adyaraka

so finally the stork dropped a baby on our doorstep. a healthy baby boy with 3000 gr weight and 46 cm long. and after quite sometime... i cried. happily!! here are some screen shots.










Lovely isn't he? i spread the happy news to friends and family collecting good wishes and prayer. exactly what i need...

I was in a train to Jogja when Missus told me that she's admitted in the hospital. the train did not stop in cirebon!! my fellow passengers calmed me down and said that I could catch the train back to Jakarta in Purwokerto. however before we reached Purwokerto the train slowed down and there was another train on the other track heading for Jakarta. before in Cirebon the train slowed down but did not stop at the station. fearing that the same thing would happen again, I jumped down and ran to the opposite train hurriedly climbed to an opened door. it was one thirty.
"What is the fastest way to be there?" I really wanted to be there when the baby was born. the train did not stop in Cirebon also. besides at three in the morning I would have trouble finding a bus to Merak. with public transport from Gambir would be too long too. I needed to be there ASAP. I did not know the flight schedule and could be delayed. BIKE!!! I would ride to Lampung!! it was early in the morning anyway, so the streets would be empty. I took out my PDA and browsed for a route from Jakarta to Merak. a forum for Tiger riders gave me one.
as soon as the train stopped I ran out of the station. grab the first ojeg I saw, no time to bargain. I took out the bike and sped up to Merak. it was five thirty.
My dad called me when I reached Tangerang. I took his offer to go with him. hurriedly called my sister and asked her to drive me to Cilegon. well... eventually I drove to Lampung with my dad.
I arrived at twelve thirty. Missus was holding up. the baby indeed was waiting for me. five hours afterward... the Valiant Warrior was born. it was six thirty five. twenty nine march two thousand and eight

kleenex

no... it's not that kleenex is paying me to promote it or such. i dont even know what kleenex it. said it's brand tissue, but i was kinna sure that it's a headache pill. but who cares?

it's a mug that i usually use at the office. no one uses it maybe because it lost its handle. in this office people take mug usage seriously.

i like the lines there. i've seen some messes lately. i suffered some messes. my table is a mess. and then in the morning i drank my tea from the kleenex mug. life moves on. we need to carry on.

god damn busy!!!!!

Arkarna
So little time

Took a while to drag me out of bed,
Aim some coffee at my head,
Saw the clock I'm running late,
It's an ordinary day.

And I'm like a dog on head,
Knock one out and then fall asleep,
It's sad but true,
I'd rather be with you.
Don't you forget about me,
When you're a celebrity,
It will be only you and me before too long.

So little time so much to do,
**I'd rather spend my days with you.
So little time so much to do,
I'd like to spend one day with you.
And if that day is not enough,
Maybe we can stay in touch,
But I'm not making plans for tomorrow,
For tomorrow never comes.
**said Ive been celibate for years,
Not out of chance theres no-one here,
See I can't get my end away,
Another ordinary day,
And I'd love to see a little more of you,
Your clothes would look better on my bedroom floor...bedroom floor.

Don't you forget about me,
When you're a celebrity,
I know you're busy,
But we all need somebody - before too long.

Donation

Not long ago I was faced with two envelope. One was for a friend whose family member just passed away and the other was for lower level staffs' THR. There were also a list of name and the amount of donation. Well... I was indeed intrigued. I was stunned for a moment. But then I opened my wallet and take out smaller bill for the mourning friend and two bigger bills for the celebrating staffs. Why would I do that??
Because I simply believe that the staffs could use the money much better than the mourning friend.

Just now the coordinating friend called and offered to return my donation. She wanted to publish the donation list for transparancy purpose. She obviously thought that my donation was too small. Maybe she thought that I would be embarrassed with my small donation.

Should I be embarrassed?

For the record... I usually spend that much for my meal. Maybe later I will be embarrassed for what I eat.

Fatherhood

I got various responds when I broke the news. A friend even got so excited he got watery eyes, he told me. He also said that if it's a boy I should name him after him. Well... crossed my mind once that I want to name my kids after my friends'. I love my friends and I wouldn't be here without them. Oh well... let's see with that. Another called me right away then explain about baby's milk drinking habit. She explained about what to prepare and why.

Missus is getting more cranky. She has been like that for sometimes actually without no one noticing. Now with Jr. growing inside her... the morning sickness is more frequent, She's started to ask for particular food and hardly eats them. But hey... she's pregnant! Who cares??

Me... ahh dear me. Just like before I decided to walk down this path. I stopped and stood still for a minutes. I can no longer run to whatever path laid in front of me. Now I've gotta measure everything.

I dreamed of being a father all the time. Now that the time is coming... there's a chill and there's a warm feeling. I'm glad that I've been given the chance. I'm scared of my capability and incapability at same time. But just like a good friend told me, "Worry when the time comes." Now.... it's for celebration. Heading home tonight. Ever since I heard the news a picture of me laying my head on her tummy keeps coming to my head.

early days

i've been longing to write for sometime. since i was anxious to leave meulaboh till my busy early days here. i just couldnt put anything from my mind to my fingers
this morning... well... nothing special really, it's just so damn cold in here my fingers are freezing i thought a little exercise will be good for them. at first i tried the phone keypad smsin a birthday friend. but... hack it's friday the 13, and she is indeed a creature of darkness! she was nice enough to reply twice then i was just not brave enought to provoke her further and let her slipped back into her coffin.
well.... then it is time for little up date
after (damn my head hurts from the cold) a series of farewell party there was no welcome party. ahahhahaha this is no short stop when i usually hanged out with some friends exchanging stories. i might stay for good (damn... gotta call a vendor... which in my stupidity i called my own office!!!) here in motha city djakarta. there'll be time for pleasantries.
so here i am this morning in my cold cubicle (the song keeps ringin in my head) the office is almost empty. more than half of the staffs are out for somekind of money-wasting budget meeting out of town.
it's yet another hot seat i'm having. i realized that first day when people were whispering, exchanging glances, and lines i picked out. then yesterday i started to gather bits of pieces. huaahhhh it's not gonna be easy. damn... i thought by not being an auditor i'll have an enjoyable friendly post.
djakarta itself is another story. i always started early. wake up by the sound of my beloved wife calling (damn... it must be good to snuggle in the morning before i have to struggle my way in and out a bus). then well... like most other djakartans i take the fancy transports to my work place. in the afternoon when i'm too tired and too eager to get home as soon as possible it doesnt matter what kind of transport available. i always take the first available. i dont enjoy being alone too long in a transport with nothing occupying my mind. my insecurity will surge and seize me. i hate that... i just hate that...
whooppss.... gotta go back and concentrate on whatever thrown on my desk

menghitung hari...

pas dulu setelah skripsi selesai dan segala sidang selesai yang paling asik adalah ngonsep halaman berisi ucapa terima kasih

sekarang tinggal menghitung hari di meulaboh yang paling asik adalah beremail ria tentang farewell party heuheuheuheuehueh
i'm gonna miss the stupid one line emails during hectic work hours. gorengan sore hari sebagai bagian dari program WFP finance. pakaian kerja santai. dll dsb

what a boss i have

I am sorry to see that you are resigning your position, and appreciate your contacting us with this decision. I understand that you have your new family as well as your career to consider, but frankly, I am disappointed in the way you are going about this career transition. You’ve paid many compliments to Mercy Corps, expressed the desire to maintain a good relationship with us, and to one day rejoin us somewhere in the world. I assure you that if you leave your position without serving a full 30 days notice, you will have irreparably damaged your relationship with Mercy Corps, and made it extremely unlikely that Mercy Corps would welcome you back in the future. Further, Mercy Corps cannot give you a positive reference under these circumstances. Although this might not seem to be a problem now; sooner or later, a potential employer will require you to provide references.

You said that a lot of thought went into your decision to accept your new position, but I cannot see that the same effort of thought was invested in how to best exit Mercy Corps’ employ. Demonstrate to us that your compliments are more than mere flattery, and follow through on the commitment you made with Mercy Corps when you signed up with us. Show us that you take your responsibilities seriously, and extend the professional courtesy of allowing us the time needed to recruit your replacement, and ensure a handover of your duties.

Don’t burn your bridges Arif. You never know when our paths will cross—there might be a time when you find Del, Craig, or me facing you across an interview table, or contacted as a reference for you. Serve your complete notice period, do everything you can to ensure a smooth transition for your replacement, and leave us, confident that you have not created bad feelings among your fellow Mercy Corps staff. You’re just starting your career; don’t start off on the wrong foot.

in addition to that...... he will cut double of my salary for my early leave. kick me in the butt right after my last day, ticketless.

nice eh?

burn my bridges i may..... return? i dont think so

a journey to marriage begins with a single wedding

Friends and Foes

i hereby announcing my marriage to ken prasna pramita (yay to mee!! )
akad nikah will be held in 2 june 2007, 8 AM, at mesjid assalam, jln. keranji btn 3 way halim permai, lampung.
the reception will be held not long after the akad at gedung sumpah pemuda, way halim permai, lampung (not far from the first place, it'll be too tiring to walk though )
well... the event will continue with feast on nuts & wedhang jahe while watching wayang kulit all night long (ok... i lied about the nuts & wedhang jahe, but the wayang is true )

this post can be assumed as invitation. you all are of course invited.
i'm gonna get married i'm gonna get married i'm gonna get married

btw, i moved my blog to http://ayamjagobanget.multiply.com

pulang kampung

errr.... it is said that i have a blood of padangnese in my vein. so... i went there for an emergency response :p naahhh.... i was there for an assignment. got nothing to do with my inheritence. here's a bit about it. oh yaa.. i wasnt able to login to blogger so i wrote the story in a forum. i'll post some pictures later

Finally I got assigned to an emergency response project. Two days ago (felt like yesterday) suddenly I got called and informed that I would help the emergency response team in Padang. Whew!!! It was excited. I've been waiting for an opportunity like this like forever!!! I hurriedly transferred my work (I just returned to my post two days before), packed my bags (got few clean shirts, underwears & no jeans ), stuffed files I thought I might need, then got on a rented Kijang with Pak Akhmad who will manage the warehouse & transport.

Ozzy the GRT (global response team) member already flew to Banda to catch a flight to Padang earlier in the morning. We spent a few hours in Medan (errr.... transit hotel but no woman allowed, the night manager said ) At 7 we board Batavia Air to Padang. hueheuheuh It is well known that recently there is no safe airline in Indonesia. Seems the story affected Pak Akhmad (he gripped tight the armrest during take off and hard landing). We met a doctor from Slave.. I mean Save the Children at the airport. We just found out that the emergency team is actually a joint team of several NGOs. 9 o clock we gathered in the small meeting room at Padang office. The briefing was brief with some concerns and warnings (no warning should go outside the meeting room to avoid panic ) Then off the assesment teams. Logistics team were left behind to prepare and procure all materials and goods to be distributed. After Friday prayer I and my team accompanied by local general trader left for a quick market survey. I thought we would just do that. The emergency team leader said that he didn't have any authority or even the all powerful emergency statement. It meant that I would do all things according the procedure. However, when we returned we were informed that we would start the distribution on Sunday!! Good God!! All vendors require cash payment in advance and tomorrow no bank is open! Jakarta office closes on Saturday and they hard on decision that all payment will be made by bank transfer. Ugh!!! The negotiations were tough, internally and externally. Gotta convince Jakarta to issue the LoA and emergency statement. Gotta persuade and trick the vendors to accept bank transfer payment methode. whew.... we did that

Tomorrow... or today... will be a longer day. I just finished the report and documentation and justification (of course) This is the event I've been waiting. Though very tired I am really enjoying this. err.... yahh... not that I am excited that my countrymen are in trouble. But this is the reason why I stay in this field.

that was on the early days. i tried to spare sometime to write but i just couldnt. emergency required 24 hours of your time. well... i spent at least 6 hours everyday in a car. i got my dopod but i couldnt risk got sick for trying to type in the zig-zagging-fast-moving car.

Let's Shake The Dust!!!

Jumat maren tanpa banyak omong lagi langsung masukin form cuti 3 jam. Let's shake the dust!!! Tawaran Meulaboh - Banda via Geumpang naek motor (8 sampe 9 jam aja) bener2 menggiurkan. Walaupun tunggangannya Supra X punya Ustadz Inamullah tapii... yaahh... ok lah. Kita hajar aja!

Keluar dari Lapang, ternyata Ustadz Inamullah yang biasanya pendiem itu melibas tanjakan2 jelek menuju Tutut. Dalam hati kagum juga gw ama ustadz satu nih. Jangan2 dia bekas crosser di Medan dulu?? Anyhoo... Tutut punya pemandangan keren bo!!!!

Yang tengah tuh wilaya Kaway XVI, masi Aceh Barat juga.

Lewat dari Tutut, pemandangan mulae diganti dengan pohon2 dan plang dinas kehutanan di kanan kiri jalan. Kenapa banyak plan dinas kehutanan dengan tulisan "Tidak Seorangpun Berhak Merambah Hutan"?? Karena.... the pictures say all

Pas magrib, Ustadz Inamullah mulai kecapean. Gw dengan sedikit berat hati mengambil alih. Bukan apa2, semenjak AB 5657 YH dipensiunkan, gw jadi sedikit ga PD bawa motor lagi. Apalagi suru road trip begini. Tapi ternyata gw masi berjaya bo!!! Cen, kalo katanya Mick Jagger, Old Habbit Dies Hard lah! Huhuhuhuhuh really miss those old days of riding for nothing.

Nah... dasarnya kita nih orang sok kota yang jarang2 liat aer kali jernih, mulae dari berangkat kita dah bercita2 untuk mandi2 di kali yang ngalir sepanjang jalan. Tapi yaa... kita baru aja pulang dari musyawarah dan kabarnya dilarang mengumbar aurat disini. Jadi... cuma kalinya aja yang gw post dan bidadaranya ga gw tampilin :p

Ok!! Sebetulnya poto2 ini diambil sepulangnya dari Banda. Secara jadwal keberangkatan kita terpaksanya ditunda sampe jam 3 sore karena Ustadz Inamullah yang kesehariannya bekerja sebagai Finance Supervisor tiba2 disuru ngerekap itung2an severance payment, tangan gw sibuk pegangan biar pantat gw yg asoy ga mendarat di aspalt.

Btw, ini dia para dust shakers hohohohohohohoh. Ustadz Inamullah ini bener2 ga berjaya di jalanan lurus mulus. Masa tu motor cuman digeber sampe gigi 3 doang. Alhasil target yang awal 8 jam sebetulnya dah bisa tercapai, karena kita sampe di Sigli pas jam 9 malem. Tapi begitu keluar Sigli, ustadz satu nih ambil alih. Ya wis kita baru sampe jam 11.30

Well..... it always felt good to be spontaneous. Especially when you were already trapped in a routine life. hohohohohohoh

pssstt... kabarnya bulan depan ada pertemuan di Takengon....